Desparation

I am so desparate for change. I am on the verge of dropping everything and everyone and going to Spain for a month and coming back and doing it all over again. I've been researching my costs for my TESOL certification and how much it would be to cover my rent here and travel expenses and shopping and stuff. I'd need to save about 4 grand. Totally possible. I think by January or February I'll be out of the country for a brief stint and getting away from myself. I will be able to plan my life so much easier.

Its not as depressing as it is frustrating.

I'm on the verge of a cathartic moment that I'm not quite prepared for.

I met with my probation officer today and she said that the most she will keep me on probation is for another 6 weeks, provided I don't get in any trouble or do any drugs. Thats fine with me. I have the self control... at least over my non drug use.

My only grandparent is sick in the hospital and I'm really scared. I lived with her for most of my high school years, and she was my mom for a while. I love her way more than she thinks I do- more than I think I do.

Life cares very little for individuals or their emotions for that matter. All you can do is continue to do things that (you think)make you happy/distracts you from the truth. Honestly, the truth hurts.

Its so contagious.

I'm going to go curl up in a ball under the blankets just below the AC and watch TV.